


Car Share in Lockdown

by ForeverFMTweets



Category: Peter Kay's Car Share (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:16:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28130772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverFMTweets/pseuds/ForeverFMTweets
Summary: Short story: In November 2020 England went into it's second national lockdown due to COVID-19, and like many people Kayleigh Kitson decided to move in together with their other half for the meantime: his name being John Redmond, and unknowingly his Nana Rose too.Watch this video 'Our Take on Forever FM Continuity' (https://youtu.be/WmBm0IYJtvE) as an accompaniment to get the full experience.Based on the hit television comedy Peter Kay's Car Share.Check out my YouTube channel Forever FM, and also my Twitter @ForeverFMTweets.
Relationships: Kayleigh Kitson & John Redmond
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	Car Share in Lockdown

‘D’you want ketchup or brown sauce in your bacon butty?’ said Kayleigh.  
‘Brown sauce with bacon? That’s sacrilege,’ replied John.

‘Fair enough...is your nana alright in there?’ asked Kayleigh. ‘She’s not moved all morning, she’ll get DVT.’

‘She’s fine, I’ve sat her in front of The Crown, you know what she’s like with Lady Di, Kayleigh.’

Kayleigh placed two plates onto the small kitchen table. ‘Well, it’s nice of you to put her up, not many men would do that.’

‘She’s my nana,’replied John. ‘I’m just sorry we’ve not got much time to ourselves.’ 

‘That’s alright, I quite like Rose really,’ she said. ‘I think I’m getting used to the smell now anyway’  
John hovered over his bacon sandwich. ‘Don’t. She was rattling around like a bubble in a can in that flat. I was clearing out her cupboards Tuesday week and found a box of Ritz crackers that looked like they’d come off the arc...’

‘...and I caught her sucking on a mothball last night,’ he said. She thought it were a Murray’s Mint, Kayleigh.’

‘Talking of clearing up, did I tell you about Steve?’ said Kayleigh. 

‘No, that’s a new tale,’ John said.

‘He’s spilt an entire petrol can all over the carpet in hallway, and up the walls. Our Mandy went ape. World War Five kicked off , big time.’ she said taking a large bite of her sandwich. ‘She made him sleep on the drive under some tarpaulin, John.’

‘That’s a bit harsh, he’s only human.’

‘Hardly. He went to the BP garage at the end of the road, but he didn’t have a mask on him, so the guy wouldn’t let him in’ she said.  
‘I couldn’t stand that shit anymore, and when Alfie tried to set fire to the carpet that was the last straw. 

‘Christ! It’s like an episode of pigging Hollyoaks.’ mumbled John. ‘Are you going back?’

‘I can’t, our Mandy’s got the painters in’ said Kayleigh. 

‘I would have thought that ship had said a while back for your Mandy’ replied John. 

‘Oh, believe me, that would have been easier choice, judging by the look on Steve’s face when I left,’ she said. ‘He’s ruined her tongue and groove.’

‘I would feel bad if he didn’t rev his bloody bikes all the livelong day.’

‘John?’ shouted Rose. ‘My programme’s frozen. I’ve got Prince Charles leering over me.

John slid his chair back over the kitchen floor. ‘Just coming, Nana.’  
‘This better not take long: I’ve got a Zoom call with Jim about the band at half-past,’ said John.

Kayleigh stood up and out of her chair.  
‘That reminds me. I’ve had to cut up one of your ‘chameleon’ shirts for a strap-on’

‘You what?’ replied John.  
‘Say again,’ said Kayleigh.

‘Yes, you say again. What in God’s name are you talking about, Kayleigh?’

‘You’re never going to let me stand outside the Post Office, exposed to the corona without protection?’ 

‘You say a face mask. Bloody strap-on. You must think I fell out of the stupid tree and hit all the branches on the way down’ said John. 

‘You’d be lynched if you said that in public’

‘Please. You’re too sensitive, John, That’s your Achilles foot, I’ve always said it.’

John carried his empty plate to the sink and began leaving the room. 

‘Eh, fancy going for a spin later?’ shouted Kayleigh.  
‘I’ll drive.’ 

‘You’ll drive?’ replied John. ‘I’d rather do a cut and run with Maureen from Driving School’ 

‘C’mon. Where’s your spontaneous side? Petrol’s dirt cheap at the moment’

‘Diesel.’ he replied walking back into the kitchen.

‘...diesel.’ 

John stood in the doorway. ‘Anyway, YOU can’t. You’ve got your shift later. 

‘Oh, yeah. Two for one on Müller Crunch Corner, Dave Thompson’s idea. Arsehole. she replied. ‘I haven’t got a clue what day it is anymore.’ 

Nana Rose alongside John sat in the front room with a laptop on the coffee table in front of them.

‘How does this work then’ asked Rose. ‘Is it like my Skype plus?’

‘No, that’s Sky Plus, that’s the tele. I’ve to download Zoom, nana.’

‘I’m not zooming anywhere nowadays, John. I’m post operative’ 

‘Listen. It’s an app. You open it and you’ll be able to see mum on the screen, see?’ said John. 

Rose moved closer in to the screen. ‘You told me Skype was the latest gadget?’

‘I haven’t the time for this, Nana. I’ve got to get Kayleigh to work...’  
‘There’s half a lasagna in the top shelf of the fridge for your dinner. The radio’s on or you’ve got your Netflix, okay?’ said John. ‘I’ll be back with you in a bit to talk to mum.’ 

‘Okay, love,’ replied Rose.

‘Make sure you take the tinfoil off the Tupperware before you stick it in the microwave.’  
John got up from the sofa. You’ll blow the place sky-high if we’re not careful, alright?’

Nana Rose put her hand on John’s.  
‘When are you going to put a ring on that poor girl’s finger? Don’t say that you’re still getting over the last one: it’s been years since Charlotte.’

‘I will, just not yet. This year’s been bad as it is. The last thing I’m needing is planning a wedding with Bridezilla on steroids over there...’

John turned towards the door.

‘...Kayleigh, are you ready to go yet?’

‘Hang fire! I’ve lost an eyelash in my brew,’ she replied. 

The pair are in John’s fiat travelling along a Manchester bypass. 

‘Atomic ‘Shitten’ more like.’ whispered John. ‘Kerry Katona has spent more time flogging her prawn ring up Iceland than singing in that group.’

‘I quite like this one, it’s one my Now 48 with all my favs. said Kayleigh. ‘Reminds me of the summer I worked in River Island. Can’t believe it was that long ago, we’re dinosaurs, John.’

‘Eh, speak for yourself, lady. In those days my biggest problem was forgetting to tape Touch the Truck.’ 

‘Do you remember the B*Witched double denim with the chunky belts?’ asked Kayleigh. ‘I was obsessed.’ 

‘God, yeah. They looked like WWE Championship belts. he replied. 

‘Well, I had those and I had a belly button piercing too. Swarovski Crystal, if you please,’ said Kayleigh. ‘Well, the woman said they were’

‘You never told me that,’ replied John. 

‘Oh, yeah, I had it done in Claire’s...’

‘...Accessories?’ John interrupted.

‘Of course,’ she replied. ‘It turned green within a week. So I got our Mandy to hold me down, while our Kieron ripped it out with a stapler.’

‘Jesus wept!’ he replied. ‘That must have been an ordeal.’

Kayleigh sat back in her seat. ‘It had an A3 setting, John.’

‘I mean for you’ 

‘God, yeah. Mum never found out, mind. Kids do all sorts though don’t they? Alfie and Chloe are just the same.’

‘Talking of kids, did you hear Old Ted’s youngest granddaughter’s just started working at the store?’ said John. 

‘Really? Where’s she based?’

‘On fish with Ray,’ replied John. 

‘John! You can’t do that to her. Especially given Ted’s history with Stink Ray. God only knows what he’s told her...’  
‘...remember the incident he caused at Rick and Donna’s wedding? With the buffet? I’ll never be able to look a sushi roll in the face again.’ 

‘Don’t remind me,’ said John. ‘Never mind Murder on the Dancefloor, it was almost ‘restraining order on the dancefloor...’

‘...he had to go on a three day course in Bury.’

Kayleigh flared her nostrils. ‘I remember, they were the only days at work that I couldn’t smell tuna in the staff room.’

‘Do you think I could ask her for my snow shovel back yet?’ said John. 

‘I’ve told you before, the family probably don’t even know your shovel exists. It’s been years, John!’

‘Exactly my shovel! You know what this year has been like. I bet it’ll be the worst snow on record this winter.’ 

‘Just forget it,’ said Kayleigh. ‘I’ll but you a new one for your Christmas. Only a month to go!’

Kayleigh glanced over towards the trolly bay as they pulled into the car park. ‘Thank god New Ted’s back, I couldn’t get used to the other one’

‘He was made redundant from his accounting firm, wasn’t he?’ asked John. 

‘That’s what Joyce Chung said, yeah,’ replied Kayleigh. ‘Poor lad, Barbara must be devo’d.’

‘What’s he doing sanitising those trollies without a shirt on? Christ on a bike, he’ll catch his death.’ said John. 

Kayleigh unbuckled her seatbelt. ‘I’ll let him catch something, any day of the week.’ 

‘What?...Crabs?’ he replied. 

‘Don’t be stupid, John’ 

‘Me be stupid? I’m not the one making eyes at someone half my age.’ 

‘You make me sound like a social ‘piranha’. It’s only a bit of fun.’ said Kayleigh. ‘You know I’ve only got eyes for you.’ 

John turned the engine off. ‘Don’t I know it.’ 

‘Really though, I just wanted to say. I really appreciate how much you’ve let me in. I know we said we’d take it slow but we’re getting there, right?’

‘Don’t start with my emotions again, Kayleigh’

‘Honestly, seeing the news lately with people loosing the ones that they love, it’s just really lovely to know I’ve still got you. I’m lucky to have you...and you’re nana, for all her faults.’ 

‘Ditto.’ said John. 

‘Would it hurt that badly just to say something heartfelt back? Stranger things have happened this year,’ said Kayleigh.

‘Kayleigh Kitson, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’ll remember you until the day I die. Is that enough for you?’

Kayleigh reached into her handbag and pulled out her phone. ‘Good, because I’ve got a little surprise for you...’

‘...call me.’

‘You what?’ replied John. 

‘Just do it,’ she replied.

‘Alright.’ John scrolled down to Kayleigh’s profile in his iPhone contacts, and dialled her number. In the same moment Kayleigh’s phone began to vibrate with the ringtone of ‘Car Share Buddy’.

‘You didn’t!’ shouted John. ‘How’d you get Car Share Buddy as your ringtone?’

‘How great is that? Our Kieron did it all for me.’ 

‘That’s amazing, Kayleigh. Thank you.’

‘It’s better than Greensleeves,’ she replied.

‘And who knows, this time next year we could be in our own house together?’ said John.

‘Then we can go candle shopping, John! I love a good Yankee, don’t you?’ 

‘I bet you say that to all the boys,’ he replied. ‘Have you got your strap-on? 

‘Very funny, see you tonight.’ Kayleigh opens the car door and learns over to John for a kiss. ‘Say ‘hi’ to Jim for me.’ She slams the door behind her. 

John’s phone began to ring.

‘Hello, is everything alright, nana? I’ve just left work now.’ 

‘John?’ said Rose. ‘Your microwave is on fire.’


End file.
